Aonghus Mullins, 6th class, Barnaderg N.S. (first published in Out and About in Killererin 2001)

Pumpkin and nuts etc.
Bernadtte Forde

Two men walk into a graveyard

The story begins as two middle-aged men walk into a graveyard on Church lane. It’s 11.50 at night and they have come to leave a bouquet of flowers at their parents’ grave. They pause in silent prayer. They had better hurry on, for the legend says that on All Hallows Eve at midnight, the graveyard becomes haunted by the two most evil spirits in the underworld – Crom Cruach and Racidicus, out looking for people to take into the underworld.

The clock strikes 12.

Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong, Dong. The clock has just struck twelve. A mausoleum on top of the hill creaks open and Rancidicus slides out. A noxious odour fills the air. The men notice the smell and look at their watches. They gasp and run for the gate but Crom Cruach creeps out of a headstone and shouts out “paralysis”. Then the men stopped dead in their tracks.

The world begins to spin

Both Crom Cruach and Rancidicus started circling around and everything began to spin and in a matter of seconds they are in a place that stank like nothing they ever smelled before. Worse than rotting eggs, rotten fish, goose manure and six week old milk put together. It was filled with demons, ghosts and sickly mutated evil animals, like a cow with a nest of machine guns in its udder and a smuk of jellyfish grown to one hundred times their normal size with laser eyes and stingers that turn whatever they touch into ashes.

Hades, Lord of the Underworld appears

Then all of a sudden, two giant boulders rolled away and a man appeared but no ordinary man. This man had blue skin and fire for hair. He introduced himself as Hades, Lord of the Underworld. He said “If you want to get out of here, you’ll have to pass “The Gauntlet of Heroes”,. I will give you two weapons of your choice. You can have a gun, a wand or a banana. They both chose the wand and a banana. Then Hades said “and for shields, you can have these tin cans”. “Good Luck”, he said sarcastically.

The power of Magic

They both turned their bananas into rocket launchers and their tin cans into army tanks. They met Rancidicus first. He had two three-headed dogs with him. They each took a three-headed dog and said “doggius minium” and the dogs turned into puppies. Now they knew Rancidicus was a ghost and couldn’t be shot so they used “solidify” and he became solid. Then they launched a huge rocket and killed him. Next came Crom Cruach. They tried “solidify” but that didn’t work. They had an idea. If Crom Cruach used magic, they could reflect it back at him. They both cried “reflectus”. Crom Cruach used “Killus” but it reflected back at him and he was destroyed.

Two wishes

They reached the exit and it had a glass box. For two wishes, break the glass. They broke the glass and wished for: the end of the Underworld and World Peace.

This is what happened that Halloween night. Now noone fears midnight on the 31st Octobetr, in Church Lane graveyard anymore.

This page was added on 27/10/2021.

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